Losing my shit...

I feel like I should probably avoid speaking to you, thinking of you, chatting with you, seeing your stuff online and stop trying to be your friend.
God! I look like a creepy jealous girl. But that's how you make me feel and I hate it. I hate every single bit of it. You make hate myself. Because being jealous it is not for me. I do not accept this for me. I will not let myself become this crazy, abnoxious girl. I simply won't become that girl.
So I eat shit before I went to bed and I eat shit untill now. I deserve to treat myself better and I deserve a clean break from you. Because you may feel good about us, but I don't. And I hate, I absolutly hate that you are ok with all theses and I'm not.
I should just let you go. Because I turn into this jealous bitch who won't talk with any one and eats herself to sleep. Yeah, I do not cry for you. I eat. I preferred I would cry, it would be easier to get back from that. So I now hope you gain a lot of weight and that I'll be fit and hot the next time we see each other. September maybe.
God!!!! I really wish we weren't "friends" so I could tell you to fuck off and let you know how it really feels to see someone you like with someone else. I hate how put together you are. I hate how balanced you are. God!!! Learn how to lose control! Live a little.
I'm so fucked up. All this shit because I like you and I just can't let you go.